An unbreakable bond

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Me and Jess

Everyone has their own security blanket. Most women are comforted by the magic of make-up. Men often like to make the odd joke to state their presence.

My security blanket is my twin. We’ve spent almost every day together since birth, we knew what each other was doing, going, eating, learning – it was quite obsessive. But now, since attending separate Universities, I’m struggling to walk on my own feet…

Without her I feel like I am no longer the passenger, but the driver. Every day I ask myself: “What should I do now, as Jess is no longer here telling me?”

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Jess and me on our 18th Birthday

From my anxiety, I questioned if twins suffer more being apart, than ordinary siblings.  Asian Society for Twin Studies, have said that twin separation anxiety is a recognisable thing. Splitting up young twins into different classes during school, causes them to suffer unnecessarily from being in an unfamiliar situation without their parent or twin – unlike non-twins who are only separated from a parent. Given that Jess and I have been in the same classes from pre-school to college, maybe I am only just experiencing this uncertainty.

Now we’re over four hours apart!

But why does twin separation anxiety happen? My Twin Link suggests it’s because of one or both twins depending on the other as opposed to a parent. Perhaps my constant comparison and reliance on her has made me struggle to understand what it’s like to be totally individual.

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Jess and me in the pool on holiday

Yet, the separation of twins could be a good thing. It’s often said one twin can overrule the other, which is true. I have always felt like I have lived under Jess’ shadow. She received slightly better grades, a boyfriend first and didn’t have to go through the pain of wearing glasses and braces (the list goes on).  I have to take being apart, as a chance to break away and be me.

But, only a twin would understand that this is not easy. Twin separation stirs up intense emotions and heartbreak, which we don’t like to show. I remember when Jess and I were reunited at Christmas, we just gave each other an awkward hug. But we know it meant more.

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Jess and me in prom dresses at 16-years-old and as bridesmaids at 2-years-old

I know that no matter how far apart Jess and I are, we are and always will be the closest companions.

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